Sensory issues

It seems like things just go up and down with the sensory issues. Nathan became very clingy and afraid in the lobby of the Mondavi center when we went to see Dan Zanes and friends a couple weeks ago, but once he got into the concert hall he was fine, and once the music started he was better than fine! Despite my fears, he did really well and had a great time. The night before, though, we were at the West Sacramento teen center for a gathering (local Russian families put on an event for families affected by Down Syndrome), and Nathan was quite clingy, especially in the basketball court. Now, this kid loves basketball. He loves to watch anybody shoot hoops on an outdoor court and can literally watch this for an hour. But the indoor court freaked him out. He needed to be held. He would not play with the other kids. Ugh, it's so hard to deal with. It's hard to understand where he's coming from with this anxiety around something he "ought" to like.
I've had a couple recent shopping trips where he was able to sit in the cart and was happy, even able to separate from me when the checker pulled the cart over to unload and reload groceries. We had another recent trip though, where Nathan was clingy and crying, needed me to hold on to him with both arms and became quite distressed if I reached up to grab an item off a shelf.
Nathan's friend Marcus just turned 4. He had his birthday party at the YMCA. Nathan needed me to hold him much of the time. He was able to sit in a chair and do a craft and eat pizza, but he had to be physically touching me. He was willing to sit and watch an Elmo movie, even dance a bit, but again he had to be touching me, and if I moved away he freaked out. I had to hold his hand in order to scoot back enough to take this picture:

Then we went outside. It was a completely different story. He was fine. He was independent. He went up the play structure by himself. no crying. No clinging. Is it something about echoey rooms? But he loves to go through underpasses and tunnels and hear his voice echo. The stimulation? Sensory overload? Somehow he manages to do just fine at preschool with lots of kids and noise; perhaps it is a safe and comfortable enough environment. I don't know what the difference is. And I don't know why sometimes he can handle a grocery cart and sometimes it's the most stressful thing imaginable. Sometimes there seems to be progress on the sensory stuff, but it is a 2-steps-forward-and-one-step-back kind of progress. And it's hard for me to predict when we'll have a going-forward kind of day and when we're going to step back.
At least Marcus also has Down Syndrome, so his family and friends understand about being and behaving a bit different, even though Marcus is totally comfortable and at ease in these same situations. This coming weekend Nathan has another birthday party, for a child from his private preschool who does not have any special needs that I know of. We'll see how that one goes... Sometimes, though, I think it frustrates and confuses me more when we're with other children with Down Syndrome and they are okay but Nathan is anxious and clinging. I guess I don't expect him to always behave like his typically developing peers, but I do have some expectation that he will act like his peers with Down Syndrome. Evidently, he is himself, with his own set of issues, and will not be defined by his diagnosis. Evidently, mom needs to let go of some more expectations.
On the plus side, Nathan ate spaghetti the other night! He's come soooo far with texture, but there are still some foods he just won't engage with, and until recently noodles have been one of them. Yesterday, he didn't want the leftover spaghetti, but today (yes, spaghetti 3 days in a row-- around here, we eat leftovers on my work days) a little ketchup on top did the trick. Yep, ketchup on top of tomato-sauced spaghetti. It's progress! It is amazing how far he has come with texture, from the days when he'd only eat Gerber purees and not even anything I pureed in my food processor. Not only did he eat the noodles this week, but he ate a couple bites with a fork! Yay for the IEP goal I asked for about fork use, yay for his teacher's hand-over-hand work with him on fork use at snack, and yay for Nathan trying it at home!

Nathan and spaghetti. Note the pants.