It's a... piglet?

I've been talking with Nathan about the baby-in-tummy.

If I ask him what's in mommy's tummy, he had been telling me "Cat. Meow."

Today, I asked him again. "What's in mommy's tummy?".
"Tummy", said Nathan.
"Yes, but what's inside mommy's tummy?"
"Baby pig," said Nathan.
"No, not a baby pig! A baby sister. A baby sister is a little person."
"Little-ittle-ittle person".
"Right, a person. Like you. Baby sister. So, what's in Mommy's tummy?"
"Baby pig".
I asked him again a bit later, and got the same response, "Baby pig". He also lifted up his shirt and touched his own tummy. I told him there was nothing in his tummy but yogurt.
"Mmmm, yogurt. I want". And the discussion of babies was pretty much done.

A colleague pointed out that no matter how much we might try to talk about this issue and prepare Nathan, no child is going to be totally prepared for the reality of this baby coming home and staying. Thinking back, even though I was a grown-up and knew a fair amount about what I was getting into, I did not really understand the reality of having a baby at home until I had one. How could I possibly expect Nathan to? We'll keep talking about it, but it will really sink in come January when this baby comes home... and doesn't leave. And won't he be surprised when it's a baby human, not a cat or a piglet... or yogurt.

Fork

Nathan did a great job eating his applesauce neatly with a spoon at lunch. He looked up at me. "Peaches?" You want applesauce and peaches? Well, okay, but you've got to eat the peaches with a fork.

Success!
"Fork", says Nathan, beaming.

Cabeza, Hombros Rodillas y Pies

Here's a short video we made this morning while waiting for the school bus. This is "head, shoulders, knees and toes" (well, head, shoulder, knees and feet, actually, but that's how we learned it) in Spanish.


Sorry it is so dark! It didn't look so bad on the camera. But you can hear us fine.

Soccer!

Today was Nathan's first day at VIP Soccer. This is a really neat program where kids with disabilities are paired with buddies and can work on soccer skills at their ability level. Nathan did initially kick a ball around before retiring to the grass to sit, climb on daddy, ponder the leaves, and occasionally hug a tree.



He got back into the swing of things at the end, though. Hoping that with time he adjusts and begins to spend a bit more time playing.

Brave Nathan

Nathan's had a couple more recent successes in terms of being brave and trying things that are scary for him.

With his life jacket, he's been able to get more comfortable in the water, and even let go of me briefly sometimes. He actually even climbed into the deep end himself at one point!

He also braved the bouncy house at a birthday party today. Twice!

Go, Nathan!

Those challenging moments

I don't always post about those challenging special needs parenting moments because focusing on strengths and successes feels better. Sometimes, though, there are moments when I remember that my child really is different, and it shows.

This past weekend, we went to Little Buckaroos Day at the Crocker Art Museum. First, we parked in a garage and had to take the elevator down. Nathan was loud and becoming tearful. A family got in, and I explained to them that Nathan is a bit afraid of elevators. The little boy, about kindergarten age, just laughed, as though he could not imagine anything funnier than being afraid of elevators. It was a short ride, though, and then we were off to the museum. We met up with friends, attended a puppet show (quietly and attentively!), and watched a vaquero display his whip and lasso skills. Nathan soaked himself a bit in the fountain and generally had a good time.

After our friends had gone home, Nathan and I checked out the petting zoo. Nathan was willing to touch one very tame and lethargic baby goat (the temperature was in the 90s and the poor animals had been there for hours; they were not too perky or animated by that point). Then he started to appear scared, got loud and wanted out of the petting zoo. The vaquero guy was back, doing more rope tricks. He was twirling his lasso around each child in turn so parents could snap a photo. Nathan was very interested. The guy asked me if he could lasso Nathan. I told him he could try but it might not last long. I didn't get a photo, it was indeed brief and my camera is broken anyhow. Nathan grabbed at the rope, and the lassoing was over. Nathan then began to growl loudly, in short bursts, maybe every 10-15 seconds. This continued. And continued. It attracted pretty much everybody's attention. Nothing I did or said by way of comfort or distraction seemed to deter Nathan from the behavior. We were having a moment. I was thinking to myself "Jeez, kid. Could you possibly advertise your special needs any more loudly and clearly?". I didn't think he was hurt or overly scared. He didn't seem to need comfort or anything else from me. Some nice bystanders tried to normalize the behavior, saying maybe he was emulating the dinosaurs from the puppet show. I really think he was just overstimulated and I was a bit at a loss as to what to do with this going on rather loudly and obtrusively in public.

We had a moment. I know my kid is different. I know not to take his behavior personally, as a reflection on me as a mom. I know that "typical" kids also have moments and that this is part of parenting. And mostly I am good with the idea that Nathan is Nathan; he's different but he's a great kid. He's sweet. He's funny. We have fun together. But sometimes these moments just hit me and I'd like him to act more "normal", more socially appropriate, more like other kids his age. (Just pet the damn baby farm animals!)

Earlier I'd seen a family with 2 children, one of whom uses a wheelchair and looks to have some delays. I'd smiled at them. Now with Nathan growling up a storm, they made their way over and introduced themselves to me. I have now unfortunately forgotten their names, but I will not forget the kindness and solidarity, coming to stand beside me in my my-kid-is-different moment.

As I talked with this mom, a little girl named Lilliana, perhaps 3 years old, was busily trying to make friends with Nathan. As he stood growling and turning away from her, she kept saying hi and trying to engage him. She was not deterred by his behavior, and told me he is "my growly friend".

Nathan of course was going to tire of this growling behavior and move on to something else at some point, and he wasn't the one who was bothered by the growling or the reaction anyhow. It was my moment. And I was helped through it by the kindness of an empathic family. And by Lilliana, trying her best to make friends, undeterred. I wish Nathan had been more responsive to her, and I hope that when he is ready to make friends and interact more with other kids there will be a Lilliana waiting. The Lillianas of the world bring me hope.

Pulling up

We started meeting with a behaviorist last week. The focus is on self-help skills, and the main goal is potty training. Since Nathan is not displaying some of the signs of potty-readiness, such as "able to pull his own pants up and down" and "indicates when he needs to go", we've got a lot of work to do. We're really still in the assessment phase with the behaviorist. She will meet with us a few times, with me gathering data in between the sessions, and then has to write up an report and get approval to begin regular sessions. Since this is being funded by Regional Center and they have to approve it, it could take a couple months before we really get started.

BUT after the first session we've already made a little progress. Nathan has demonstrated that he CAN pull his own pants up and down at least partially, he was basically just choosing not to because, hey, isn't it easier to let mom do it? Now that we've established that he CAN, we're transitioning from diapers to pull-ups, to facilitate that independence, and we'll be working on getting him to do what he can do. He can get the pull-ups off with minimal assistance. And once they are around his ankles, he can pull them up... in the front. Since having the rear covered is key... well, as I said, we've got some work to do.